It's becoming a double edge sword...

With each passing day I get a little closer to crossing the Atlantic Ocean once more and seeing all of my friends and family I left back in August.  At the same time as each day passes, I get closer to leaving my new friends and family I met back in August.

It really is becoming a double edge sword...

I don't know why I'm already thinking about this so much.  In all honesty, I still have PLENTY of time left here in England.  I'm still here for another 2 1/2 months, but when I look back and realize how fast the first 9 1/2 months have gone I discover that time really isn't on my side.  I feel like there is so much I still want to do and places I want to see.  Sometimes I wonder if I took full advantage of the situation.

But now I'm getting off topic.

I am really excited to go back to the good ol' USA, but I know that the second I get home is the very second I'm also going to want to jump back on that plane and return to the city of Salford.  The people I've met here will hold a special place in my heart.

Like I said, a double edge sword...

I'm not really sure where this blog post is going. I guess this is something that has been on my mind lately.  I know it's going to be difficult to leave and I know that when I get home things will be different from when I left.  I guess I'm just trying to prepare myself for the next part of this journey.

Jeremiah 29:11 and Vocation

Just this last Sunday was vocation Sunday and I was asked to give a little testimony about my journey so far to find my vocation.  When I first thought about my "journey to vocation" my mind immediately went to Jeremiah 29:11.  For some reason that seems to be the verse I think of any time I'm talking about my future plans.  Which seems logical considering that's what the verse is all about.  Anyways, I just wanted to share with you my little testimony I gave at mass on Sunday.  I hope you all enjoy.

To me a person finds their true vocation when their talents and the things they are passionate about combine.  Each one of us has our own unique vocation or calling in life.  It’s not always easy to find our vocation.  Many times we might question it or doubt that this this is what we are meant to do.  I will be the first to admit that I have questioned and doubted many times throughout my journey.  Along with all the questions, I’ve gotten some answers that have helped me begin to piece together what my vocation is.  God has led me on a very interesting path in recent years that has helped me to discern my calling and it has also challenged me and made me want to explore what exactly my vocation is. 

            I feel as though God has called me to a vocation of service.  Ever since I was in high school I have been blessed with many opportunities to be of service to others.  During that time I was fortunate enough to go with my church youth group on three mission trips down to Mexico where we helped a community build a new church.  I remember coming back home after that first mission trip feeling absolutely overwhelmed.  I still have trouble expressing how unbelievable the experience was.  To work along side these people was truly a gift.  While it was only one week a year, the bonds and relationships I made will never be forgotten.  These experiences were the starting point of my journey that led me to this place I am today. 

            In college I continued to seek opportunities to volunteer and serve others.  At college, there was an emphasis on service and helping others, which gave me plenty of chances to live out my vocation.  I participated in two service trips and led one as well where I met some truly wonderful people and helped to fill a need in their community.  Every time I came back from one of these trips, I felt an even greater sense of calling to serve.

           

            During my third year at college I was able to spend a month in Tanzania.  The main point of the trip was to just immerse ourselves in the culture and learn as much as we could.  While we were there we also did some volunteer work.  We spent time at a local orphanage, helped build the roof on a church and put a fresh coat of paint on others.  It was in a lifetime experience and one I will never forget.  When I came back from this trip I began to think about going abroad and volunteering.  I’m not quite sure why I wanted to do this, but I knew this feeling had to do with God’s plan for me.  I started to look into teaching abroad as well, but nothing seemed to feel quite right.  Then one day at the beginning of my last year at college I was talking to my campus pastor about what was going to come next after college.  I told her that I had been looking into teaching abroad, but nothing was really coming of it.  Then she told me about this program called Young Adults in Global Mission.  The program takes about fifty young people and sends them out around the world to serve in local communities.  I was so excited about this idea that I immediately began to look into it.  After a rather long application process, I was accepted into the program.  In April of last year, I spent a weekend getting to know all the other YAGMs and learning more about what it means to serve.  It was a chance for all of us to discern whether or not this was what we were supposed to be doing.  By the end of the weekend I left with more questions than answers, but at the same time trust in God that he knew where I was headed. 

            About a month before I was supposed to come over here, that’s when reality set in.  The thing that God called me to do meant that I would be leaving behind everything and everyone I had known to start a new journey.  I didn’t think I was ready for this.  I wasn’t sure I actually wanted to do this.  I had major doubts if I could not see my family and friends for a year.  Could I actually leave life behind?  In the end though I just had to trust that God knew my life plan better than I did. 

           

It’s not always easy to follow your vocation.  To follow mine I had to leave behind my friends and family behind.  But through this experience I have gained new friends that will stay with me in my heart forever.  I feel I have grown both personally and I gained new skills that will help me to be a better teacher.   Right now, I’m not sure what comes after this year.  I don’t know if I’m meant to go back home and be a teacher or go somewhere completely different.  All I know is that I will continue to live out my vocation of service wherever I am.  I am full with questions about what comes next and to be honest I’m a little scared.  I just have to remind myself to trust that God knows where I’m headed and that I need to just listen and he will tell me where I need to go.  He might not give me a huge flashing sign that says go here, but if I listen closely enough I will be able to hear it.

            I encourage you all to just go out and find the things you are most passionate about and do them because that’s what vocation to me is all about.  Doing what you love and loving what you do.

After I wrote this I felt a sense of peace in my heart; a peace that I have not know for quite some time.  It was in that moment when I realized everything is going to be okay.  Even if all of the wrinkles for next year have not been ironed out, I know that things will happen for me.  I don't know what, I don't know where and I don't know when but the important thing is that God does and that's all I need to care about.  

He is Risen! He is Risen indeed!

As I'm writing this, I am sitting in my friend Ashely's kitchen in Edinburgh, Scotland. I look out the window and see not a cloudy sky (which is the case in Scotland most days) but the sun shining through and brightening the world below. Kind of appropriate considering today is Easter. I guess it just goes to show how wonderful God can truly be. As I was getting ready for the day, I found that I just kept staring out the window still in awe of the fact that the sun was shining. I wish I had words that could begin to describe how I am feeling. I feel beyond blessed that God did these things for me so that I could live forever with him. I'm trying really hard not to sound "preachy" but I'm not sure if I can help it right now. Yesterday Ashley took me to her church where they were having this Easter Labyrinth and I must say it was exactly the type of thing I needed. When she first said Labyrinth the first thing that came to my mind was Pan's Labyrinth. You know that creepy movie with all those mysterious creatures and I honestly don't have the slightest clue what that movie is even about. Anyways, I've gotten off topic enough. We entered the church and there was a path of rocks and tea lights showing us the way and subtle music playing in the background. The first thing we were asked to do was take off our shoes because the ground we were on was holy ground. Any opportunity for me to take off my shoes is most welcomed and I understood that it truly was holy ground we were treading on. As I wander through the labyrinth, I couldn't help but be overcome with this feeling of peace and joy and the sense of being loved. The whole experience was incredible, but I think the part that stands out the most, well the parts really was the recreation of the last supper and the garden of Gethsemane. There was a table set up on the alter where we were invited to sit and eat some bread, drink some wine and reflect on how Jesus might have felt at this point and just pray. You would think that me spending a year over here as a Young Adult in Global Mission that I would have sat and prayed a lot this year, but as I was sitting there I realized that this had not been the case. I don't know why, but I came to the conclusion while sitting there that I had begun to lose sight of God and my relationship with Him. I started to feel incredibly guilty and ashamed of myself a little bit. I didn't understand how it had happened and why I had let it, but I knew that I needed to regain my relationship with God. After I left the table and continued on, I came to the garden. The space literally looked like a garden. There were two grass paths leading up to these potted flowers. As I got closer I saw that there was a sign asking people to plant a flower and recommit their lives to Christ. The timing could not have been better. I stood there for a few minutes and wrestled with myself. I thought, who am I to deserve His love? What have I done with my life that would make me worthy of such a great love? The great thing is there is nothing I can ever do to warrant God's love. He loves me and each one of us as we are; there are no conditions to His love. This thought to me is both amazingly beautiful and incredibly terrifying. This time of Easter is a chance for us to remember, in a big way, the love that God has for us. "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son that all who believe in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." (John 3:16) And as I planted my flower, I told God that I'm sorry for turning away and that I need Him more than I will ever be able to express. I opened the door back to let Him back in to my life. I know it's not going to be easy to trust Him fully, but I know that I can't do it all on my own. I know this blog has just been a big ramble, but I feel like it needed to be said. Through out the labyrinth I had with me a red ribbon. We were told to carry the ribbon with us through out our experience. At the finish, there was a cross and we added our ribbons to the cross. Before we tied our ribbons, we could write a word or phrase that we thought about through out the journey. The words that came to my mind were unconditional love. I hope that during this Easter celebration we can all remember that God does indeed love us unconditionally. May you all have a blessed Easter.

A Taste of Home

I can't believe I haven't written about this yet, but a few weeks ago my mom came to visit me here in England. I had been waiting for this day for a very long time; the day my mom would come to visit. In fact, I had a countdown on my phone since Christmas. As each day passed it was one day closer to being able to see my mom. When February finally came round I could not shut up about the fact that I would get to see my mom this month. I’m sure everyone in the house and in the office got sick of hearing me saying that my mom was coming to visit. The night before she came, I couldn’t sleep because I was just so excited for her to finally be here! I went to the airport and waited for what seemed like hours for her to get off the plane and then she finally came! I was so excited to see here I didn’t even know what to do with myself. The week she was here had to be one of the best weeks this year. We spent some time exploring Salford and Manchester, took a day trip to one of England’s oldest cities, Chester. For two days we went down to London and saw some more sites. We also had the opportunity to meet up with some of my fellow YAGMs in London. The week of course went too fast, but I know my mom and I both really enjoyed what time we did get to spend with each other.

It was nice to get a taste of home, even if it was a little taste of all the things that are waiting for me back home. Not only did my mom bring herself to England (obviously) but she also brought me other little pieces of home including real American peanut butter and even a box of my favorite girl scout cookies! While I know the whole point of this year is for me to immerse myself in this country and make this year my life, but it's always nice to get little reminders of where you were just a few months ago. I know things have probably changed back home and many fun events have happened. Everything around me can change, but I know that one thing will always remain. My family and friends love me and I love them. I can go half way around the world and I know in my heart that they all support me and still care about me. I don't think I ever properly thanked them this year for standing by me, so this is my chance to say it.

To all my family and friends, thank you for always being there for me and loving me every step of this once in a lifetime journey. I know it probably hasn't been easy and believe me there isn't a day that goes by you aren't in my thoughts. I also want to apologize for not being the best at communicating this year... I most definitely have dropped the ball on that one. I hope you all know though how much you mean to me. I can't wait to come home and be able to share all of my memories from this place with you and create even more wonderful memories together. I know that I can always count on you all and that if I ever need you, you are only a phone call/ Skype call away. Thank you for grounding me and making me the person I am today and for letting me spread my wings and do the things I have wanted to do in my life. I hope I have made you all proud.

Lent: A Time to Reflect, Refresh and Renew

Happy Lent everyone! I'm not sure it's exactly an appropriate sentiment, but we're just going to go with it. Since I'm working for a religious organization, I've been thinking more about this idea of Lent. Maybe the other reason I've been thinking about it so much is that I went into a school just last week and talked to the students about the whole idea of Lent. This is probably the first year I've spent so much time thinking about what this time of year really does mean to not only the church as a whole, but to me as well.

When I think about Lent, the first thing that comes to mind is Jesus. I know that's probably the "duh-statement" of the day, but it's the truth. Many of us know that the 40 days in Lent are representative of the 40 days and nights Jesus spent in the desert fasting and being tempted by the devil. For those of you who might not have known that, congratulations you learned something new today. Since Jesus suffered greatly during this time and denied himself many things, that's where we get these ideas of fasting and giving things up for this period of the year. Giving up things, in my opinion, has two different purposes. Number one, by denying ourselves things we really enjoy like chocolate, ice-cream, television, Facebook we start to be able to imagine how Jesus felt in the desert. While the first week or so might seem relatively easy, by week three or four the cravings can become intense and all you want to do is raid a candy store or just check Facebook for two minutes. I'll be honest with you all, besides one year when I gave up Facebook, I've never been able to keep a promise I've made for Lent. I have a hard time denying myself things for a long period of time! I know that' bad, but I am bound and determined to keep my promise this year. So, besides helping us feel a tiny bit how Jesus felt in the desert, this idea of giving something up during Lent sometimes can free up our time. I know when I gave up Facebook, I felt like I had so much more time to do other things! But, the one thing I didn't do with all this new found time is spend a little more time talking to God. I know that in my daily life, I didn't talk to God as much as I should have. I am thankful for this year in the sense that I have been given the gift of time. More time to spend with God, thinking about who I am, but I'm getting off the subject...oops.

So, the whole idea of Lent is a time for us to give up something to not only to get a little taste of how Jesus felt, but also to free a little extra time maybe in our schedules to spend with God and maybe figuring out some of these mysteries of life.

Lent is a time for us to reflect.

A time to reflect on our relationships with others.

A time to reflect on our relationship with God.

A time to reflect on our lives as a whole.

A time for us to really think about anything and everything. Time to think about the good, the bad and the ugly (not the movie, although Clint Eastwood is kind of amazing).

Lent is a time to refresh.

When we set time aside for ourselves, to just be still it is amazing how refreshed we really can feel. As hard as it is for many of us to set everything aside and just be, it is something I've come to find I cherish. Even if it is for twenty minutes, this is the time I use to just realize that whatever is weighing me down doesn't probably matter as much as my mind likes to make it seem.

Lent is a time of renewal.

When Jesus died on the cross (Good Friday) and rose again (Easter Sunday) he gave us new life. We all know this, they tell us this in church almost every Sunday, regardless of whether or not it is during Lent. Despite the fact that I know this, I don't think I have ever fully realized what this statement means. To be completely honest, I'm not sure I ever will be able to understand that. I don't see how I am worthy to receive such an amazing gift. We all receive new life because of the sacrifice Jesus made and as hard as it may be to understand why, I think I need to just be thankful for the gifts He has given me through his death on the cross.

So, through out these next 40 days or so, okay less than 40 at this point, I hope you take some time to reflect, get refreshed and renew yourself through the gifts that God has given us.

And Then A Hero Comes Along...

I know this may seem like a very random post, but it is actually something we talked about last week in school. I was working with year 8 students (12-13 years old) on Monday and Tuesday and we were talking all about heroes. The day started with the students getting a chance to think about what qualities, for them, make a hero. Of course, many of their minds wandered to super heroes and all of the special powers they possess. The ability to fly, lazer beams shooting from their eyes (very popular believe me or not), super strength, super speed, the power of invinsibility, all things I'm sure would come in handy at some point or another in our lives. Of course, they also included more human qualities like bravery, courage, determination, etc. They all were given the chance to share with the entire group what made their hero so great. Some groups were more enthusiastic about the task than others. In the end, there were some very interesting heroes ranging from the very bizarre, non-human heroes to heroes that were a combination of the groups real-life, personal heroes. Then, came for my moment to shine! Now was my time to share with all of the students who is my personal hero and I would like to share that with you all as well.

If you've ever seen the movie Megamind there is a scene where Roxanne (news journalist) and Bernard (Megamind in disguise) start talking about what a hero really is. Roxanne believes that heroes aren't born that they are made. The two of them talk what exactly makes a hero. They come up with three qualities for a hero: strength, bravery and determination. With those three things anyone could be a hero Megamind says. It's a very simplified explanation of the scene, but I hope you get the picture. The line from that movie I really like is the fact that heroes aren't born, they are made. Anyone can be a hero. Everytime you smile at someone at school or when you're walking around town, that makes you a hero. We all have a person or people in our lives that we look up to and want to model our lives after. While people like Gandhi and Nelson Mandela inspire me, there is one person that I truly hope I can be like and that person is my mom. For me a hero is someone who is not only strong and brave, but also someone that is compassionate and selfless. She gives so much of herself everyday and never asks for anything in return. My mom has been through so much and yet is still able to stand on two feet with her head held high. She is everything I hope to be and more.

Being a hero is much easier than most people think. Being a hero doesn't mean saving the world; it's about making a positive difference in the world around you. You can be a hero just by taking the time to talk to someone you might not have talked to in awhile. Even a simple hello to a stranger can make you a hero to that person. I truly believe that we are all heroes and that we are all called to be heroes to one another.

I hope in this new year that I can be a hero to everyone I meet and inspire someone as much as my mom has inspired me.

This Year I Promise To...

I know I am a few days late in saying this, but I just want to wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR! I am still in shock how fast this year has gone. It seems like just yesterday I was sitting in Iowa with my roommate ringing in 2011. When I think about this last year I can't help but to think about how much my life is changed in just twelve short months.
I started the year off right in January by starting my final semester at Wartburg College and had one of the most amazing experiences during my student teaching.
In February, I decided I really did want to avoid the real world for a little longer and applied to become part of one of the greatest programs ever (that would be YAGM.. in case there were any questions).
Just a few short months after that in April, I met some of the most incredible people in Wisconsin at the D.I.P. event for YAGM (so many acronyms, it's a little crazy). In that same month/ same weekend I found out where my next chapter of my life would be taking place... In ENGLAND! I was also reassured because I knew I would not be alone over here and that both Jess and Britney would be coming along with me.
May was the month that I not only had my last class at Wartburg, the college of my brightest days, but somehow I actually graduated!
Skip ahead to July when I got to spend four glorious weeks at home spending time with my family and my friends before setting off across the ocean for twelve months.
About the middle of August, I was finally reunited with all my fellow YAGMs for the last stage of our preparation for this wonderful journey we are on now. It was such a great experience to be all together... all 50 of us sharing this common path of our lives. All united in this desire to share ourselves and our talents with people we had never met before.
September brought much adjusting and learning about a new place and a new job. It brought nine new roommates and new co-workers.
October brought twinges of home sickness and a much needed reunion with my YAGM ladies and a splendid holiday in Bath.
When November rolled around it found Jess, Emily and I in the kitchen for about six hours cooking up a Thanksgiving feast for twenty six people. That time made me see how much I truly have to be thankful for.
December brought with it one packed month at work and the sudden realization that I would not be with my family at Christmas. It also brought with it a wonderful English Christmas full of Christmas crackers, Christmas pudding, turkey and a family from Liverpool that showed me the true meaning of Christmas. They opened up their home to me and for that I will forever be grateful.

Now that 2011 is in the past, I am looking towards the future and what this year can bring. Putting Christmas aside, New Year's has to be my favorite holiday. While the fireworks are always spectacular and the pure happiness in the air is always a welcomed feeling, for me, it means so much more. New Year's is a chance to start over. Everything that happened the year before is gone... done... you can't change it even if you tried. We are all given a clean slate... a fresh start. Every year, I make New Year's resolutions and I can count the number of resolutions I've stuck to on one hand. This year, instead of making resolutions, I am making promises. For me, the word promises sounds much more "unbreakable" than resolutions. So this year, I have made promises to myself. I have promised myself that I am going to communicate more with people back home and with my fellow YAGMs around the world. I promise to care more about myself and take time to really explore what this whole experience means to me. I promise to build deeper and more meaningful relationships with the people around me. All of my promises are written on a piece of paper in my journal and will be hung up on my wall soon. They will stand as a reminder to myself that these are the things I have promised... and you can't break a promise... especially to yourself! I hope this New Year can be as wonderful as you want it to be and that you aren't afraid to make promises to yourself.